when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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