I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
