too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
