someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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