my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
