dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
