I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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