I can tuck mytits in my pants
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
