Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sex in a hospital.. check
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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