Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
