I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
