I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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