Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
True college students do jello shots in the library
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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