we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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