that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
