Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it glows. i had to have it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
