guys are only as good as the porn they watch
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
