I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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