I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
