I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
