What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
