if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
