i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
