listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
