fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
