david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so let's talk penis.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
