I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
