Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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