i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
