No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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