I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
