Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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