My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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