Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
