You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
