Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
