I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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