She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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