Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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