wrigley field is MILF paradise
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
