Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
