I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
