from now on my penis is your penis
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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