You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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