its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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