don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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