Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
