he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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