PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
