Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize