I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
