508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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