yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
