I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
