You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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