Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
