Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
