Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
