can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
