I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
