Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
