Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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