he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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