goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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