My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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