just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
