Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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