I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
