I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
