just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
